Which comes first – connections or stories?

It is my firm belief that stories open doors and allow you to make connections with people of all sorts.  That’s a core theory behind Storychick.  So I was a bit taken aback when I came upon what seemed like the opposite in a book I’m otherwise loving: Daring Greatly by Brene Brown.

In an argument that parallels the issues some have with oversharing, Brown talks about “floodlighting”.  It’s a vulnerability shield where we dump stories that are too hard, too personal, on anyone we find in the hopes of making connections, and succeed only in driving them away, disgusted.

People recoil and shut down, compounding our shame and disconnection.

The path we should take, according to Brown, is more intimate.

When it comes to vulnerability, connectivity means sharing our stories with people who have earned the right to hear them – people with whom we’ve cultivated relationships that can bear the weight of our story.

So, which comes first – the connection or the story?

I still firmly believe that sharing powerful stories can create connections – but it depends in part on people’s openness, their willingness to hear.  If I walked into a bar full of strangers and shared my story, many might turn their backs in the face of the emotion involved. BUT, I bet that a couple of people in the room would identify with it in some fashion and a connection would be formed.

The greatest success in sharing stories and making connections probably does come with some sort of filtering. You wouldn’t stand up and talk about a struggle with illness or unemployment during the toasts at a wedding of college friends (assuming there’s no relate). But you would if the audience had a large number of people in the same boat. They’re more open to it, so of course it will go over better.

The filter shouldn’t focus on whether or not to tell a story, but rather which story to tell to best connect with your audience, whether a crowd or a single person. Stories CAN make connections and don’t always need intimacy, if you’re telling the right ones.

What do you think? Connections or stories?

 

“I make connections”

One of the things I’ve been working on lately is organizing the local version of the Icarus sessions (#Icarus).  These have been set up by Seth Godin as a way to move the message from The Icarus Deception forward.  As he puts it:

The Icarus Sessions are a challenging new way to bring your art forward. Not to make a sales pitch, not to get customers or patrons, but to find the courage to stand up and say, “here, I made this.”

… The assignment: Tell the group about your art. What have you created? What frightened you? What matters?

Not a pitch. An act of brave vulnerability.

I made this.
It scared me.
This might not work.
Here’s how it changed me.
What do you think?

The February session was awesome – we had 19 people show and 9 of them shared their art.  We had great creative minds – as showcased both in their work and how they chose to share it.  It was inspiring and encouraging – as we realized we shared a lot of the same fears.

I shared a bit about my beads and the questions I’m asking myself about the jewelry.  More to come on the prototypes!

The best part, by far, were the connections that we made! I loved that people stayed long after the presentations were over to chat about all sorts of things, but often coming back to art and creating and connecting more.  The group from this session is excited to bring others in, to grow and strengthen the community, and to share more.

2/3 of those who shared this time were photographers, but we expect to see people from the other visual arts, dancers, musicians, coders, and more as we grow. We’ll be adding some feature speakers and time for Q&A between those who share.

We all saw how our art enables connections – each in our own way.  By sharing the stories of our art and the connections it makes, we made more connections.  Rochester has an awesome creative community and I can’t wait to hear more stories and to connect with more people.  Most of all, I am so psyched to be a part of this community of support! Many of us tend to doubt that we are artists, as I’ve noted before, and becoming part of this community can help people to realize that they do make art, that it matters, and that there’s more to be done.

A big thank you to Teri and Mike at Hanlon-Fiske Studios for hosting and helping to promote and organize the event from my seed of an idea!

5 Quick Trends

Collaboration

• Microsoft researchers have developed a way to share and actively collaborate on any surface, in real-time.  Share and compare objects (play a game of checkers or chess), collaborate in real-time on documents, drawings, and whiteboards, hold live tutoring sessions (even music lessons?).  The basics of the technology are a light source equipped with a camera and a projector, so that the space where the light falls becomes the shared space, along with a bunch of programming to prevent the camera from picking up the projected visuals.  Pretty cool way to reshape remote sharing and visual stories.

• Coworking spaces have been around for a while, emerging in all parts of the country.  A new service from ShareDesk in Vancouver is taking coworking the next step – enabling AirBnb style leasing of workspaces.  Have an office that is sitting empty because you’re not hiring to replace its last occupant?  Lease it out for a space of hours up to months.  Need a conference room to run some meetings from while on the road?  Grab an unused one from a local company.  What makes this cool is that the idea is not only to capitalize on sharing spaces more effectively, it is all built around a spirit of collaboration – the idea that people sharing spaces will chat, bounce ideas, share frustrations, and troubleshoot together – in the end fostering greater creative solutions.  I like that.

Connection

• Second-grader Devon suffers from allergies.  They are so severe that attending school means risking his life.  His is confined to his home.  Unlike the bubble-boy, however, Devon is NOT isolated.  He has a robot avatar that goes to school for him.  Through its controls, the robot zooms through the school day, Devon’s face watching and participating via its cameras and screens.  A very cool way to give him a bit of normalcy despite his condition.

These last two are less trends and more just stuff I really appreciated:

• A wonderful post on the impact of writing (and storytelling) on your view of the world.  Thinking about the life you see around you with the mindset of building it into a story makes you pause, makes you look more closely, with greater wonder.  Up the wonder – write, craft stories.
  

  Her field notebook is not some convenient way to store lifeless data to be presented in lifeless papers so that other scientists can replicate some dull experiment; it’s the site of a collision between a mind and a world. That’s the promise: you will live more curiously if you write.

• Finally, an IKEA ad about hanging, playing, and adventuring with childhood favorites – and the joy of imagination. Watch to the end.